Depression - A Quick Introduction
Depression isn't the word for it. We're talking about a condition that can take over your mind, rob you of your dignity, deprive you of all the joyful offerings of life ...
Depression - A Closer Look
You know you're depressed. Your brain has just crashed. ...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
"Deprived of the joyful offerings of life......" Well having reached the grand old age of 46, married, 2 kids, and feeling blank, detached, remote, to a greater or lesser extent, for the past 20 years that single phrase is "me" though to be honest I struggle to feel that there is a "me" in any abstract sense. Yes, I know there's a me there... he's usually in a mirror somewhere as I walk by and he talks to people and does things, but in the electric blancmange that sits between my ears I have no sense of "me". I have always been a loner and I can't say that pleasure has been something I've a great deal of experience of. I don't "experience" life, life just happens around me and I tend to do what needs to be done to get the money in the bank each month. That is, when, recently, I'm not trying to determine what's wrong.
Looking at the statistics in A Closer Look.... I'd say I was in all apart from sleep affected. Work, motivation, relationships, social activities, all suffer. Common features connecting these, long experience shouts at me seem to be emotions and reward, both non-understood abstractions to my concrete nuts-and-bolts mind. 20 years ago, and probably more, I was wondering what do feelings feel like. Still waiting. After my son was born I was asked what it was like being a dad..... I couldn't say. The corresponding box in my mind had nothing in it.
I sometimes get a buzz from being around people, but soon my mind is elsewhere, maybe as it can't cope with the demands being put on it, and the thin veneer of sociability is replaced by a sort of emptiness as I once again look inwards.
I do wonder about one thing. I was born in Oct 1962, the height of the Cuban Missile Crisis, when the end of the world was nigh. Maternal stress just before birth?? Who knows.
Post a Comment